To become A better Person

Bright Side | Dark Side

With much strength, I will open up myself
Those who unable to take the negative, do not read it.


It's true that I am not a positive person
It's true that I am always in a worried state
Even things seems to be moving on smoothly
It's true that I always doubt about myself
My capability, am I fit to this position?
Am I able to handle all the work load?
Or one day I will just commit suicide and end all this?

It's true that, I have a low self-esteem
I am shy to meet new people, especially at work
I am shy to mingle around with strangers
I am shy to make public presentation

It's true that, I am always in a nervous state
When talking with people I am not close with
When talking with my superior
Because I am worried I am not good enough
I am not knowledgeable in communicating with them
Our conversation is so empty and shallow
People will look down on me
That they don't want to talk to me
I am not presentable....

It's true that, I always feel low because of how I look
People are not interested with me because I don't look "normal"
There are sayings
It doesn't matter how you look, is how and who you are
Your inner heart
Are you someone that is kind? humble? good-hearted? confident? smart? happy? positive?
I don't think I have most of the good qualities also
I am ashamed of myself
Why I am not good enough

Hence, I am worried
With my age of 27 this year
I am much much lower than my peers
That most of them are stable in their own career
That most of them are earning more than me
That most of them are already found their life partner
That some of them even starts to engage and have their own family

I am scared, that I might not be able to catch up in this society
I haven't found my real work goal
I haven't get my own car and house
I am scared, that I might live my life alone
When all my friends will have their own life somewhere in future

I am tired, tired of being negative
Tired of keep complaining about life,
Tired of telling the same thing over and over again
Like a cancer cell, spreading all the negative energy around
Even I have many angels beside me

Troubling people around me, made them listen to all my grumbling
I am always their burden, that I didn't able to help them
But to make them listen to my rubbish
And they are the one that always lend their hands for me
I am heavy, mentally and physically..
I am always worry, until when they unable to stand it
And leave me

On the surface, with politeness they will say
I will always be with you
However we should know, people will leave someday
You yourself have to be brave and swallow it up

I am tired of being helpless
In panic attack, in worrying, in doubting
Insomnia, slow motion

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I realize, I cant be like this anymore
I have to stand up and conquer this inner war
I deserve to be positive,
I want to be a happy go lucky, just like when I'm young
I deserve to have my own life
Even when I am destinated to be alone
I need to feel brave and keep living
That being solo is not scary, not the-end-of-the-life

On the other hand, I do hope
By becoming what I am,
That someone that appreciate me more
That someone that can accept me, as who I am
Even with my current state

I want to be someone that can stand up straight
And talk straight to people's eyes
With great strength and confidence
I want to have the power to see and feel
My surrounding
The beauty of nature, the tiny little things around me
Not only sorrow, but a sense of mercy
To put all the worries behind, to step out of my comfort zone

I want to have the power to love
I hope that one day, when I am out from this sorrow
I can share and help others, to motivate them
To assist people who are in the same state like mine

The world is big,
There are more out there
Do not limit yourself
Step out, with strength

My birthday wish this year
To become a better person.

Emails

Emails

Trying to filter some of the old emails inside the inbox and some came to my attention where,

We used to be in an era, where we send posts and articles using email

Compare to today, we share it in our Facebook.

I observed the type of information we share among our groups,

The changes of me,

And the me 6 7 years back.

*Although its so so silly on what I have sent haha (So young and so straight)

But i still want to reward that courage girl for being true for herself.

20 years old me vs 27 years old me.

New Year Resolution - 2017

New Year Resolution - Year 2017

My 2016 ended with a short relaxing trip with both of my close friends to Taiping.
Been step out to places where in the past 26 years i have never been to.
Eat, play, drink, sleep.

"Enjoy the present, not the past, and not the future."
Yes, past do affect the present, nor the present will affect the future.
However, if we spent too much energy on re-thinking the past and worry-ing for the future,
We will lose our chances of living in the present.
If one doesn't want to be regret for the past,
Please, hold on to the present.

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1/1/17, a brand new year ahead.
Of course, as usual, there will be a new year resolution,;
There are one item here (been carried forward for more then 10 years):

1. To increase my exercise, and to lose weight.
Well, i did, in the year 2015, 8kg in 9 months, and regain it back in 3 months time TT

2. To find what I truly want in my job. Is this what i want? Am i fit for the job?

3. To change my bad habits (there are a few, shy to be mentioned here >.<). To reduce some of my evil personality as well.

4. The last, but not the least, .............. (will pray it inside my heart)

I hope that, 2017 will be a great year ahead for all of us.
I hope that, I will learn and gain something within this year, some that can help me to become a better person, someone that i hope i can be.