Faith

It's quite some time already since the last time i step into my church.
I remember one of my friend used to tell me
"whenever i feel down, i will wear nice clothes and make-up, making myself look attractive"
I find this way quite effective,
The more i dislike something or feeling deep down,
I will improve my outer appearance (wearing nice clothes) and start to make funny jokes.

Once again, i burst out into tears when i went in front of the stage.
On the stage there is a band singing the songs,
Down the stage is the people who needs pastor to pray for them.
Initially i was about to hold my aunt from behind,
Eventually i was being pull in front and become the-one-that-needed-to-be-pray.

I counted this time, 8seconds, tears rolling, i bend my head deep down so that no one saw it
When the pastor touch my head and pray for me
That's when my tears flow like tap water flowing.
Aunt support me from behind prevent me from falling,
Because its normal to see people fainted when pastor pray for them..
Weird rite?

I pray for a lot of things
- For my religion faith
- For my mum
- For my friendship issue (it's getting better actually)
- For myself, to be independent and strong, stop relying on others (its getting better also)
- For my studies and,
- For the things that its hard for me to forget and let go.

We have songs to sing during the 2hours time, and it really comfort me, a lot.
I'm in the process of changing myself to be a better me,
Start from this year Jan.
And in times i break down but i dont dare to complaint to anyone, just myself,
And it works in some area, which motivates me to work harder.
We cannot change others, so we change ourself.
Its a big challenge for me, and my macha said
" If you really can overcome this, i'm really proud of you!"

Yea, its not everything in the world, people can lend a hand to you,
Sometimes its only you yourself that can overcome and change the situation.